Do you feel like you disappoint your partner on the regular? Feeling shame and guilt for not being able to get home to spend the time with family that you desire? You’re not alone.
I have been there, and it is honestly one of the toughest parts about having ADHD. It is hard to stomach. Despite trying my best, I feel that I let my wife down. I get sucked into the ADHD spiral of negativity. It is tough to overcome those strong ADHD emotions, especially when the person most important to you has SO MUCH EVIDENCE to back up the frustration. This struggle is so very real for me and so many of my clients.
While living with ADHD can certainly present unique challenges, especially when it comes to fulfilling roles as fathers and husbands – don’t lose hope! With the right motivation, we are capable of anything! With intentional steps, I am confident that men with ADHD can enhance their relationships and family dynamics! Let’s break down why the challenges exist and discuss three simple steps to guide you on this journey towards a more peaceful homestead.
Challenges at Home for Men With ADHD
What specific challenges do family men with ADHD face in family life?
Impulsive, Distracted, Forgetful, OH MY!
Men with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity and easily getting distracted. This can impact their ability to stay focused on family responsibilities, leading to missed cues, forgotten commitments, or impulsive reactions that may affect family dynamics. Just recently I impulsively planned to wrap up my workday early and drive across town to help my sister move without talking to my wife. However, I completely forgot that it’s my responsibility to get my son off of the bus! Fortunately, I was able to make other arrangements before my son was left stranded at the bus stop. 🚏 #CloseCall #NearMiss #ADHDisReal
Blind to Time
ADHD often involves difficulties in time management and organization. Keeping up with family schedules, planning activities, and maintaining a routine can be challenging, affecting the stability and predictability that families often rely on. Time blindness affects me daily. It can be overwhelming to plan for a family event. For me, and many other ADHD men, getting everyone out of the door on time can seem impossible. To make matters worse, the same struggles happen time and time again, making it seem like we don’t care or want to change our ways. These frustrating patterns lead to resentment from our partners, confusion from our children, and only further the feelings of shame and guilt that come with being late. Like the (ONE) time when my wife was working and I was in charge of getting me and the kids to church. 🙄 Not only did we arrive super late, but we had to park 4x further away than usual. The kids have never let me forget that one! 🤦♂️
Struggles with Communication (Yes, Of Course I’m Listening!)
ADHD can have a negative influence on communication skills as well. Men with ADHD may find it challenging to express themselves clearly or listen attentively, which can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships within the family. Many times, I don’t even want to bring up my opposing opinion to my wife because it’s easier to just go with what her plan is, rather than trying to explain my thoughts. Does that help my mental wellness? Nope. Can that build resentment and harbor unhealthy feelings? You bet!
Overcome Dad and Husband Guilt by Utilizing These Simple Steps
Join ADHD Group Coaching for Support and Accountability
Being part of a community that accepts for just the way you are is the first step to owning your ADHD. Knowing what your weaknesses are makes it easier to ask for support in those areas – especially when you know that the other guys in the group struggle with some of the same things you do. On the flip side, learning to lean into your strengths will help you excel, and regain some of your confidence. One of the most powerful 💪 aspects of being part of an ADHD Men’s Group is the accountability and encouragement that comes along with it. Above all, know that other ADHD dads and husbands are going through similar struggles will help you to finally feel understood, maybe for the first time in your life. We are stronger together.
Enroll in online ADHD Group Coaching. These groups provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing experiences and strategies with other dads facing similar challenges can offer valuable insights and encouragement. My all men’s group meets twice a month. The group has been literally transformational for many members, including one of my clients who had removed their 50 pounds and dropped his blood pressure so much that he no longer has to take medication for it!
Why just tell you about it when show you?
Book a free call, speak with the RMC team, and attend a complimentary group call. No pressure. Take a test drive and see for yourself!
Put Down Your Phone To Stay Present, Be Mindful and Live in the Moment
Create designated phone-free zones or times during family activities. Whether it’s a family dinner, a weekend outing, or bedtime routines, commit to being fully present without ADHD distractions. (I know, easier said than done 😬) You know this will allow you to engage more deeply with your partner and children, fostering stronger connections. Many times during family time, I will pick up my phone to check one thing… and inevitably end up getting sucked into answering text messages and emails. Don’t even go there! Keep your phone out of sight during designated family times. My wife once told me that she felt like I enjoyed my work more than her. My heart sank. Even though I feel a strong connection with my work and my mission of helping people with ADHD succeed, she is always my top priority. I knew I had to decrease my phone usage and give her more attention to improve our relationship. Try this phone lockbox if you are struggling with staying away from your device…it worked for me!
Have Clear Communication Between Family Members
Create a safe space for communicating, and leave your ego, anger, and attitude at the door. When my wife and I are scared to say something openly, we initiate a safe space by saying, “I have some open communication I’d like to share.” Then the partner can prepare to receive the info and accept it. Prioritize open communication with your partner. Instead of assuming needs, regularly ask, “How can I support you today?” This question shows humility and a genuine interest in contributing to your family’s well-being. Having clear communication about what the family plan is can help everyone to stay on the same page and can help with time management. Similarly, involve your child by asking, “How can we have a great day today?” Tailor your support based on their responses, whether it’s offering a hug, helping with chores, or planning a fun family activity. This one question has drastically improved my marriage.
Family Men With ADHD Can Succeed
By incorporating these three simple steps into your daily life, you truly can can navigate the challenges of ADHD while strengthening your role as a father and husband. Joining ADHD group coaching provides a supportive environment, putting down your phone enhances mindfulness, and practicing humility fosters open communication and understanding within your family. Remember, small, intentional steps can lead to significant improvements in your relationships and overall family dynamics. I believe in YOU!