ADHD Partners Getting Too “Snippy” in ADHD Relationships
The request from my wife was simple – “Would you please take Ethan (our 7-year-old son) with you so that you can both get haircuts at the same time later today?”
“No problem honey!” I called from my office, as I finished up the final edits on the video I was going to post to social media later that day. “Oh man, this video is so EPIC!” I giggled to myself. People are gonna go wild for this one!”
Little did I know that at that very moment, I was actually [unintentionally] writing the script for an even more dramatic scene: “You know you have ADHD when…” that would unfold just a few hours later.
If it weren’t for the support and understanding of my wife, my life would be a complete mess. I would probably have hair down to my shoulders, still be buried in debt, and not have visited a doctor in a decade or so, as a result of the daily challenges stemming from ADHD. Like most adults with ADHD, it’s not that I don’t think these “grown-up” things are important – they are. I just feel like I never have time, and think to myself: “I’ll get to (insert task of responsible human) later – I don’t have time right now.” …Until I started using AI Coach Ryan to help with the responsibilities I abhor. Total Game Changer. Try the premium trial for 7 days FREE.
My wife had scheduled the haircut appointment at 5 pm on that fateful Friday. It seems like no matter what the appointment is for, I am ALWAYS late. It’s been that way my entire life. Per usual, I was running late, as I had (once again) fallen victim to what I’ve started to refer to as “one-more-thing-itis” – a strange phenomenon that causes those of us with ADHD to try to cram more tasks than humanly possible into the last 14 minutes before intended departure for any event. To wrangle this beast, I created the Free Time Management Guide for people with ADHD!
I’ve mastered the art of racing out of my office, bounding down the stairs, and entering a vehicle in under 20 seconds. As I peeled out of the driveway, I frantically glanced at the clock and thought: “Good, I’ll only be a few mins late.” (If I had a nickel for every time those words have passed by my mental movie screen I’d be…)
The ADHD Relationship Struggle
The phone rang. It was my wife. (Oh no- she had “the tone”…the one she always has when I’m doing something wrong)
As my heart raced, negative thoughts swirled in my mind. What did I mess up this time? The anxious anticipation hung heavy in the air.
“Are you forgetting something??” She asked, a bit sarcastically.
My short temper immediately ignited as I fired back, “What do you mean?! The haircut appointment is today, right?”
“Yesss… and you’re supposed to bring ETHAN, remember?!”
“Oh…” my voice trailed off in shame and embarrassment… “…right”
If my minivan could have put its tailpipe between its legs it would have, as I stopped the van, turned around, and went back home to pick up our son, which had been the plan (that I forgot about) all along.
My head swirled with negative self-talk: “How could you be SO dumb?! You literally forgot to bring your son – that was the whole point!” All I could do was shake my head, as I have hundreds of times before, and mutter a trail of obscenities under my breath. Now, in addition to running extra late to the hair appointment, I was now ashamed of the way I had exploded at my wife. Add it to the pile of examples where my ADHD had prioritized the “novel” information (in this case, my social media video script that I was so proud of) over retaining the important information (bring your son with you to get a haircut).
Do you think there may be a similar correlation between you and your partner? If so, ADHD may be the culprit. Getting a diagnosis can be simple and straightforward with ADHD Online. Use code CoachRyan50 at checkout for $50 off the initial assessment.
That’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how ADHD negatively impacts my relationship with my wife. Let’s take a deeper look under the surface to see what other cold, dark parts these icebergs play in this ever-unfolding drama.
1. Navigate ADHD Forgetfulness and Missed Commitments
Let’s unpack the ADHD memory challenge. The Culprit Behind Forgetfulness is the ADHD brain wiring. It’s not your fault! ADHD disrupts the brain’s executive functions, which may lead to missed commitments and forgetfulness. This may have a big impact on a relationship. These lapses in memory can breed frustration and erode trust between partners. ADHD Coach Ryan’s Strategies for Success: Discover practical tips to overcome forgetfulness, such as setting up digital reminders and sharing calendars and to-do lists with your partner. Post-It notes are mandatory for my brain. I have them all over the house to keep my tasks front of mind. If only I would have wrote, “Bring Ethan to haircut” on a post-it note, I would have remembered!
2. Unlock Effective Communication Amid ADHD Inattentive Listening
Master the Art of Active Listening! ADHD’s effect on sustained attention can lead to inattentive listening during important conversations. This may take a toll on communication, leaving your partner feeling unheard and undervalued. Try this Communication Revival Tactic: Uncover strategies like maintaining eye contact, nodding, and repeating back to your partner to enhance active listening and deepen your connection. When my wife Andrea and I are having a difficult conversation, holding hands helps us to feel more connected and loved in our ADHD relationship despite the current dispute. I’ve also found that when I am consistent with a sleep schedule, I am better able to stay calmer and therefore be a better listener for my partner.
3. Navigate Emotional Terrain Amid ADHD Impulsivity
Tame the Impulsive Mind by Understanding Impulsivity and ADHD. Gain insights into how The ADHD symptom of impulsivity can ignite heated arguments and hinder emotional regulation in relationships. This may have a sharp Impact on ADHD Relationship Dynamics because impulsive reactions can lead to emotional turmoil and fractures in your connection with your partner. The ADHD partner may gain Empowerment Through Pause. Embrace strategies to curb impulsive reactions, like practicing mindfulness and employing a “cooling-off” period during conflicts. This helps me disengage so I don’t say something to Andrea in the moment that I may regret later. I come back to the conversation refreshed with new insights once the initial flood of anger has dissapated. Doing short, daily meditations in the Aura App helps me to keep my cool during hot moments.
4. Bridge the Time Management Gap for Relationship Harmony
Tame the Time Paradox. Decode ADHD’s Time Challenges: Time estimation struggles are linked to ADHD and its consequences on punctuality and time management. Our ADHD brains know “Now” and “Not now.” Planning for time allotments is not a strength for many of us. Turbulence in Relationship Space-Time: Let’s recognize how chronic lateness and time mismanagement can erode your partner’s patience and contribute to relationship tension. Try this Time Management Hack: Learn how to conquer time-related challenges with the aid of alarms, reminders, and allocating buffer time for unexpected delays. I’ve been late my whole life. Things have been better since I implemented some ADHD strategies, especially using the Time Timer to fight an ADHD symptom that plagues many of us, Time Blindness. Use code CoachRyan10 at checkout for a 10% discount for a Time Timer!
5. Balance Passion and Partnership Amid Hyperfocus
Hyperfocus Unveiled: Explore ADHD’s hyperfocus phenomenon and how it can inadvertently sideline relationship needs. Your partner may not be aware of what hyperfocus is. Educate them! Love in the Shadow of Passion: hyperfocus on personal interests can leave your partner feeling isolated and yearning for connection. Your partner wants your attention! Harmony in Duality: Discover strategies to strike a balance between personal passions and nurturing your relationship, including designated quality time for partners. Sometimes it is helpful to ask others with ADHD how they have nurtured their relationship in the midst of hyperfocus. That is where the Ryan Mayer Coaching Digital Community comes in. We have an “Ask anything” policy in a safe, judgment free zone.
Navigating the ADHD Relationship Terrain
Navigating a relationship while grappling with ADHD isn’t a solo journey; it’s an expedition you embark on as a team. Embrace the challenges, transform them into opportunities, and let the strategies learned along the way create a trail to the path for a more resilient, thriving partnership.
I’m ADHD Coach Ryan, a dedicated advocate for relationships affected by ADHD. Drawing on a wealth of personal and professional experiences, I offer empathetic guidance and actionable strategies. By fostering patience, understanding, and practical insights, my goal is to empower couples to reshape their challenges into stepping stones for growth. Let’s embark on this journey together, transforming hurdles into opportunities.
Connect with me and let’s navigate the path towards stronger, more resilient relationships in every area of your life!
